On Apologies
I was discussing with a friend earlier about a situation regarding another friend, and whether the demands I have for friendship are too much. The shared past of two friends is the foundation of a friendship, but not its definition, and the expectation of respect and egality is not too absurd a notion, though it seems it is when it comes to me.
I have repeatedly been told to accept things as they are, that this friend's disdain regarding myself should not be countered, but rather taken in, accepted and laughed off. I find this odd, because this situation has become disturbingly polarized. So much so, that though I am the party wronged, I was told the impetus to apologize belongs to me. The audacity of this assertion is beyond me.
I can understand the lengths my former friend has gone to justify his actions, and he may not fully understand the extent his words wounded me, but the idea that somehow he was wronged, that somehow my anger and subsequent disassociation are cause for him to take umbrage are, to me at least, the excuses of a man who refuses to take responsibility. His inability to apologize is so accepted, that during the discussion, I declared resolution would come through apology and was told "Then it won't be resolved," as a response.
The reason I'm even addressing this is not because of the current state of things with my friend. I accept that sometimes even the closest of friends will drift away. That's just a part of living. My concern lies elsewhere. The thought has troubled me for the last few weeks, and one that may plague me for a while more.
How depressing is it to realize you are not worth apologizing too.
I imagine most people have experienced this at one point or another. Stubbornness or righteousness is hardly an uncommon trait, nor is pride in those who fear that an apology is beneath them. In my own case, the feeling of being looked down upon was prominent, which made the subsequent verbal assault all the more blaring, and to add insult, later referred to as simply a joke.
Excuses from the guilty are schizophrenic because they are unreal. Reasons will be searched for and latched onto to justify their behavior, going so far as to find solace by rewriting history. To witness this unfold makes for a sad day, most due to the unexpected nature of it all. Losing a friend to such a circumstance creates a vacuum, and not one easily filled.
But, as I told my friend, to cave in, to accept a negative state as normal, is to give credence to excuses. For me, if the end result is one less friend, better that than to be a fool who comes back for another beating.
I can understand the lengths my former friend has gone to justify his actions, and he may not fully understand the extent his words wounded me, but the idea that somehow he was wronged, that somehow my anger and subsequent disassociation are cause for him to take umbrage are, to me at least, the excuses of a man who refuses to take responsibility. His inability to apologize is so accepted, that during the discussion, I declared resolution would come through apology and was told "Then it won't be resolved," as a response.
The reason I'm even addressing this is not because of the current state of things with my friend. I accept that sometimes even the closest of friends will drift away. That's just a part of living. My concern lies elsewhere. The thought has troubled me for the last few weeks, and one that may plague me for a while more.
How depressing is it to realize you are not worth apologizing too.
I imagine most people have experienced this at one point or another. Stubbornness or righteousness is hardly an uncommon trait, nor is pride in those who fear that an apology is beneath them. In my own case, the feeling of being looked down upon was prominent, which made the subsequent verbal assault all the more blaring, and to add insult, later referred to as simply a joke.
Excuses from the guilty are schizophrenic because they are unreal. Reasons will be searched for and latched onto to justify their behavior, going so far as to find solace by rewriting history. To witness this unfold makes for a sad day, most due to the unexpected nature of it all. Losing a friend to such a circumstance creates a vacuum, and not one easily filled.
But, as I told my friend, to cave in, to accept a negative state as normal, is to give credence to excuses. For me, if the end result is one less friend, better that than to be a fool who comes back for another beating.
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