In a Matter of Seconds (On Helplessness)

We stopped in Ararat village on our way out east and had left fairly early so the sun had only recently come up. Someone went to the bathroom, another went to get drinks and toilet paper. I stood next to the car and stared out toward the valley.

Nearby was an excitable dog that kept running back and forth across the street, begging anyone and everyone for food and attention. I had nothing on me to give, so instead I scratched behind its ear, then its lower back, then stopped and stood back up waiting for the others to return.

The dog would attempt to cross the street, but fail to make it to the other side. A car, speeding far beyond acceptable limits, struck the poor animal and drove off without even a pause. 

I watched this animal tumble under the wheels, its bones and organs crushed, blood pouring from its mouth and snout, trying to move with its last bit of life, only to have its eyes glaze over and simply cease to live.

All in a matter of seconds.

The car drove off as though nothing had happened. The villagers were momentarily shocked then returned to their business. I wanted to scream in rage.

The dog could easily have been a child and suffered the same fate. Logic dictates the driver should

have slowed down as he entered the limits of the village; and at the very least he could have been attentive enough to swerve around the animal. The reality was that he was too important and the animal too insignificant to consider any option other than to kill it.

As I absorbed the sight of the animal dying I felt impotent and helpless in my rage. Unable to save the dog, nor punish the driver; I was left with the memory of the incident. So I tucked it away, put it behind me, and moved on.

In coping with feelings of helplessness this method has served me well in the past, but it has begun to fail; the problems of the world have begun to affect me.

I do not want to be helpless anymore.