Bleeding and Stunned (On Descent)
There was a time, over a decade now, where I would meet up with a good friend almost daily and get drunk off of beer, vodka and whatever before ending the night with a burrito and heading home. Our drinking practice began honestly enough, built on camaraderie with the intent of a good time.
Most of this period was spent on the 1800 block of Vermont Ave., a small strip in East Hollywood easy for most of us to congregate to. Our bar of choice was the Electric Lotus, an Indian restaurant near the corner where we sit outside and see who would show.
We were known on there, we had a lot of good times there.
One night, while playing chess at the nearby coffee shop i was reacquainted with a young woman I knew from high school. I became infatuated with her almost immediately. I made horrible decisions because of her.
We would stay out all night, watching the sunrise from outdoor seats of a diner. She and her friend laughing, and giggling, an playing as they rolled a joint mixed with tobacco. I had never smoked pot before, having never had the desire, but barely hesitating as she passed it my way.
She made me compromise myself, and even as I was aware of it, I did not care.
I was ridiculed by others for wanting to be with her. They called her a flake, or strange, a liar, a bitch. They saw her very differently than I did and I didn't care. The defects they described are the qualities like that make a women interesting to me.
A true relationship with her was never established. Stillborn due to my stupidity. I knew it was over as I drove her home, telling her how I felt, only to watch her pretend she did not hear me. Followed by plans made, then cancelled, only to run into her that same night at the Electric Lotus.
That's when the angry drinking began.
For months it continued, with the thinnest of excuses to get us going, my friend also suffering an emotional cut from a woman uninterested in him. One night a friend was having her birthday celebration in Chinatown. I was loathe to go, but went anyway, picking up my buddy before heading downtown.
We were restless and bored, sitting at the bar of this little dive below a Chinese restaurant known as Hop Louie. We proceeded to order drink after drink, having five or six before the first hour was up.
I turned to my friend and said "Let's go."
He looked around the small red lit room "Fuck it."
We got up and walked out without saying goodbye, getting into my little Toyota Tercel parked on Hill Street and accelerating onto the freeway in front of us; after which I immediately swerved left without looking, cutting off three cars across three lanes and nearly killing us both.
I pointed this out to my friend and we both started to laugh. We ended back at Electric Lotus, and drank some more.
One day I was standing in the shower reflecting on things. I was angry. I felt helpless and slighted and stupid. i made a fist, and without thinking I punched through the glass shower door, watching in slow motion as shards slipped along the curtain and into my foot.
Bleeding and stunned, I gave up drinking until my mind was right, almost nearly a year.
Most of this period was spent on the 1800 block of Vermont Ave., a small strip in East Hollywood easy for most of us to congregate to. Our bar of choice was the Electric Lotus, an Indian restaurant near the corner where we sit outside and see who would show.We were known on there, we had a lot of good times there.
One night, while playing chess at the nearby coffee shop i was reacquainted with a young woman I knew from high school. I became infatuated with her almost immediately. I made horrible decisions because of her.
We would stay out all night, watching the sunrise from outdoor seats of a diner. She and her friend laughing, and giggling, an playing as they rolled a joint mixed with tobacco. I had never smoked pot before, having never had the desire, but barely hesitating as she passed it my way.
She made me compromise myself, and even as I was aware of it, I did not care.
I was ridiculed by others for wanting to be with her. They called her a flake, or strange, a liar, a bitch. They saw her very differently than I did and I didn't care. The defects they described are the qualities like that make a women interesting to me.
A true relationship with her was never established. Stillborn due to my stupidity. I knew it was over as I drove her home, telling her how I felt, only to watch her pretend she did not hear me. Followed by plans made, then cancelled, only to run into her that same night at the Electric Lotus.
That's when the angry drinking began.
For months it continued, with the thinnest of excuses to get us going, my friend also suffering an emotional cut from a woman uninterested in him. One night a friend was having her birthday celebration in Chinatown. I was loathe to go, but went anyway, picking up my buddy before heading downtown.
We were restless and bored, sitting at the bar of this little dive below a Chinese restaurant known as Hop Louie. We proceeded to order drink after drink, having five or six before the first hour was up.
I turned to my friend and said "Let's go."He looked around the small red lit room "Fuck it."
We got up and walked out without saying goodbye, getting into my little Toyota Tercel parked on Hill Street and accelerating onto the freeway in front of us; after which I immediately swerved left without looking, cutting off three cars across three lanes and nearly killing us both.
I pointed this out to my friend and we both started to laugh. We ended back at Electric Lotus, and drank some more.
One day I was standing in the shower reflecting on things. I was angry. I felt helpless and slighted and stupid. i made a fist, and without thinking I punched through the glass shower door, watching in slow motion as shards slipped along the curtain and into my foot.
Bleeding and stunned, I gave up drinking until my mind was right, almost nearly a year.
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