A Decade Apart (On Understanding Women)

A few years back I fell for a girl who was significantly younger. I was warned by multiple friends to disengage from such behavior; but we are often blind as to what is best for us. The end result was a acrimony, and only myself to blame.

I did not speak with her for nearly a year, the silence broken when she wrote me, "I missed our friendship..."

If I am to speak honestly, I did as well.

For some time I had been curious about this failure to connect; partly to assuage my curiosity and partly to better understand human interactions as whole.

So I asked her. 

She was defiant to answer. Only after a painful process of information extraction did I learned that the issue was that I knew her too well. She said it is her nature to only pursue relationships she knows will fail. 

This kind of thinking has always confounded me, and the headache it produces is profound. Her reasoning, though personally valid, struggles against common sense and makes real discourse untenable.  

She is not unique in this way. 

My desire for understanding has acquainted me with a number of rationales, each with its own poignant irony, each presenting limitations that seem counter to their stated goal.

I was once told by a friend that for her a preexisting friendship kills the possibility of a romantic relationship, that the foundation cannot be shifted or changed to accommodate new feelings. Another woman confided that as much as she wants to find someone caring, intelligent, and loving; the reality was that a physically appealing man trumped those loftier ideals.

These conditions are manifold; resulting in pairings that are circumspect and often detrimental to one's well being. Or so it seems. Perhaps I am too obtuse in my way of thinking.

The answer remains elusive, but I believe it requires abandoning logic and reason.